Despair, Saturday, January 28

Today was an emotionally and physically draining day. We visited four other areas near Hedaru. We saw some of the poorest, most dejected people I’ve seen in Tanzania, yet our friendship with our hosts has deepened. My Swahili has grown somewhat to simple sentences in the present tense and a small vocabulary of useful words haphazardly laced together, but it’s better than nothing. I really seem to get lots of smiles and aggressive handshakes for just trying to use the language. I wish I could do more.

The first area we visited, Game, was the most difficult part of the trip for me so far. When we arrived, there was a small group of residents waiting, looking forlorn and blank with hunger. The children, who in other areas were grinning and curiously investigating the anomalies walking (driving) through their town, looked gaunt and lifeless – hopeless. I was struck by the defeated look on each resident's face; the despair was palpable. I wanted to scream and run out of the room. I felt trapped by the injustice of their situation, helpless to change anything.

When my turn came to introduce myself, I couldn’t hide the hopelessness and disgust I felt. As they sang a song for us, I couldn’t see their exuberant facades – only the exhausted, drought-worn faces that they displayed when they thought no one was looking. I suppose music and dancing may help them temporarily forget their lot, but it angered me that the reality of their situation was nothing like the songs they sang. At one point during a very “uplifting,” exciting song, I could barely hold in the tears as I glanced backwards at the blank stares of the children looking in the windows. I was angry.

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